Short answer: No, dating is not a sin in itself. The word never appears in the Bible, and the way we date today did not exist in Bible times. What Scripture does give us is clear teaching on love, purity, honesty and who we should marry, and those principles decide whether a particular relationship honors God or not.
In This Article
- What Does The Bible Say About Dating?
- Are Christians Allowed To Date Before Marriage?
- Is Dating At 13 A Sin?
- What Boundaries Should A Christian Set While Dating?
- How Do You Know If God Wants You To Stay In A Relationship, Leave It, Or Remain Single?
- What If I Have Already Gone Too Far?
- Key Bible Verses About Dating
Most people who type this question are not looking for a loophole. They are young, or they are parents, or they are single again later in life, and they want to know whether the thing they are about to do (or already doing) puts them on the wrong side of God. I want to answer that plainly from Scripture.
The honest starting point is that the Bible says nothing about dating as such, and that silence matters. We should not invent a sin the Bible does not name. But silence is not permission for anything at all, so we also need to look at what God does say about the things that happen inside dating: the heart, the body, and the person you give them to.
What Does The Bible Say About Dating?
Nothing directly. In the world of the Old Testament, marriages were commonly arranged by families. Isaac's wife was found through his father's servant (Genesis 24), and Jacob worked seven years for Rachel (Genesis 29). Neither story is a model of modern romance, and neither one is a command for us to copy. They simply show that how people came to marry has varied a great deal, while the goal, a lasting covenant between a man and a woman, has not.
So I read dating as a custom, not a commandment. It is a way many cultures now use to get to know someone with marriage in view. A custom can be used well or badly. Dating is sinful when it becomes a vehicle for sexual immorality, deceit or a bond with someone God has told us to avoid. It is fine when it is honest, pure and aimed at finding out whether two people should marry.
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 (NIV)
Notice where God places the one-flesh union: inside marriage. That verse is the reason Christians draw a line at sex before the wedding, and it is why the rest of this article keeps coming back to boundaries. You can read more on that line in Is Premarital Sex A Sin In The Bible? and What Sexual Activities Does The Bible Forbid?
Are Christians Allowed To Date Before Marriage?
Yes. Nothing in Scripture forbids a Christian from spending time with someone to find out whether marriage is the right step. Paul tells Timothy to treat younger women as sisters, with absolute purity, and that is a good picture of the attitude we bring to dating:
and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
1 Timothy 5:2 (NIV)
What the Bible does restrict is who you marry and how you behave on the way there. Believers are told not to bind themselves to unbelievers, and that principle applies to dating as well, because dating is the road to marriage.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.
2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)
People often say, "But I am only dating, not marrying." I understand the thought, but feelings do not stay in the shallow end. If you would not marry a person who does not follow Christ, it is unwise to give that person your heart. Ask the same of the other person's character. Look for someone who loves the Lord more than he or she loves you, because a person who puts you first in place of God will end up failing you. Jesus said so himself in Matthew 10:37, and the same goes for you: do not make a person your god.
Is Dating At 13 A Sin?
The Bible gives no age for dating, so I will not pretend it does. What it gives is a principle: honor your father and mother, and do not awaken love before it is ready. The Song of Songs warns more than once:
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Song of Solomon 8:4 (NIV)
A thirteen-year-old is a child, still under the care and guidance of parents. Whether a young teen should be in a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship is a question for the parents to settle, not something to hide from them. My own counsel to families would be to keep things in groups, keep them public, and wait. Almost no one at that age is ready for the emotional weight of a romantic relationship, and the habits formed early tend to follow a person into adulthood. Is it a sin? Secrecy and disobeying your parents would be. A friendship between young people that parents know about and guide is not.
The same applies to age gaps. Scripture sets no number, but wisdom asks whether both people are mature enough to choose freely, and whether one is using age, money or position to gain power over the other. When the gap is large and one person is still a teenager, I would say slow down and involve the parents.
What Boundaries Should A Christian Set While Dating?
Because dating sits between friendship and marriage, it needs deliberate boundaries. Here are the five I would recommend, each tied to Scripture.
Emotional Boundaries
The Bible says to guard your heart, and it gives the reason:
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Let closeness grow at the same speed as commitment. A husband and wife can share everything because they have promised everything. A boyfriend or girlfriend has not. Pouring out every secret and every hope before there is any commitment is how hearts get broken.
Physical Boundaries
This is where most dating relationships struggle. Scripture says to run, not to test how close you can get:
Flee from sexual immorality.
1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
Nothing in the Bible measures the exact line between affection and sin, so each couple has to decide ahead of time where they will stop, and decide it when they are calm. For a fuller treatment, see Is Kissing A Sin In The Bible? and Is Lust A Sin In The Bible? If you are asking whether it is a sin to kiss your boyfriend or girlfriend, the short version is that a kiss is not wrong in itself, but if it stirs desire you cannot hold to, you have your answer.
Boundaries For Your Words And Promises
Be careful what you say. "I love you" is a promise, not a mood. If you are not ready to stand behind it, do not say it. In the same way, do not talk about wedding plans and children until you are seriously heading toward marriage.
Boundaries Around Your Expectations
Hope is good, but it needs a place to rest. Ours belongs to Christ first. You can hope this person may become a spouse without treating it as settled, and you can be honest with each other about where things stand. Leaving someone guessing is unkind.
Boundaries Around Time And Place
Do not arrange your evenings so that temptation is easy. Spend time in public, with friends and family, and in the church. Accountability is a gift, so let a trusted older believer ask you hard questions.
How Do You Know If God Wants You To Stay In A Relationship, Leave It, Or Remain Single?
People often ask me how to know when God sent them a partner, or when he is telling them to end a relationship. I cannot give you a list of signs and promise a hidden voice will confirm it. God has not promised to hand us a name. What he has promised is wisdom for those who ask, and he gives that wisdom mainly through his Word, through his people and through our own honest reading of the situation.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Proverbs 3:5 (NIV)
Here are the questions I would put to anyone who is unsure.
- Is this person a believer who is following Christ? If not, the question is already answered by Scripture.
- Does the relationship pull you toward God or away from him? A good relationship makes you pray more, serve more and love better.
- Are you being pressured toward sin? If someone repeatedly pushes past the lines you have set, God is not asking you to stay.
- Is there honesty and respect? Control, cruelty, lying and constant fear are reasons to leave, and for abuse, to leave safely and seek help right away.
- What do wise, mature believers who know you both say? Plans succeed with many advisers, so listen to them, especially when you do not want to hear it.
As for singleness, Paul says plainly that it is a gift for some, and marriage is a gift for others:
But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
1 Corinthians 7:7 (NIV)
Remaining single is not a failure and not a punishment. Many who wanted to marry have not, and God has not forgotten them. If you cannot say yet which road is yours, serve faithfully where you are and stay open. For more on sorting right from wrong when you are not sure, you may want to read What Is Sin?
What If I Have Already Gone Too Far?
Then you do what any believer does with any sin: you confess it, turn from it, and receive the forgiveness God promises.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9 (NIV)
Past mistakes do not disqualify you from a godly relationship, and they do not cancel the grace of God. Do ask yourself honestly whether you are in a relationship that makes obedience impossible. If so, it may be time to restart on firmer ground or to step away. You can read more in How To Repent and Does God Forgive All Sins?
Key Bible Verses About Dating
- Genesis 2:24: God's design for marriage as the place of the one-flesh union.
- 2 Corinthians 6:14: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
- Proverbs 4:23: Guard your heart, because your life flows from it.
- 1 Timothy 5:2: Treat others as family, with absolute purity.
- 1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee from sexual immorality.
- Song of Solomon 8:4: Do not stir up love before its time.
- Matthew 10:37: Love for Christ comes before every human love.
- 1 Corinthians 7:7: Marriage and singleness are both gifts from God.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is dating a sin for a Christian?
No. The Bible never mentions dating, and it does not forbid getting to know someone with marriage in mind. It does forbid sexual immorality and being bound to an unbeliever, so those are the limits to keep while dating.
Is dating at 13 a sin?
Scripture gives no age, so it is not a sin by definition. But a young teenager is under the guidance of parents, and secrecy or disobedience would be wrong. I would encourage group settings and waiting until marriage is a real possibility.
Is it a sin to kiss my boyfriend or girlfriend?
A kiss is not sinful in itself. It becomes a problem when it stirs desire you cannot control or leads toward sexual sin. Decide on your limits ahead of time and be honest if you are being tempted.
How do you know when God has sent you a partner?
God has not promised a sign. Look for a person who follows Christ, who builds up your faith and treats you with honesty and respect, and whom wise believers affirm. Pray for wisdom and take your time.
How do you know if God wants you to remain single?
Paul calls both marriage and singleness a gift. If you are not drawn to marriage or the right person has not come, serve God faithfully where you are. Singleness is not second best.
