Short answer: God designed marriage to last for life, and Scripture says plainly that He hates the breaking of that covenant. So divorce falls short of His design and is never something to treat lightly. Yet the Bible also permits divorce in cases of adultery and desertion by an unbelieving spouse, and it holds out forgiveness, restoration and even remarriage to those who have been through it. A divorced believer is not beyond God's grace.
In This Article
Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment, and Jesus says so in plain words. Yet the people who ask this question are rarely asking in the abstract. They are often in the middle of a marriage that is breaking, or have already been through a divorce and carry the weight of what church people have said about it. Some are afraid for their standing with God. Others want to know whether they are allowed to leave a marriage that has become unsafe or unbearable.
I want to answer from Scripture with both clarity and grace. This article covers Jesus' teaching in Matthew 19, Paul's in 1 Corinthians 7, the grounds the Bible recognizes, forgiveness and remarriage, and the question of heaven. Where Christians disagree, I will say so, and I will tell you where I land.
What Did Jesus Teach In Matthew 19?
The Pharisees asked Jesus whether it was lawful to divorce one's wife "for any reason" (Matthew 19:3). They were pulling Him into a debate between two rabbinic schools of the day. One allowed divorce for almost any cause. The other restricted it to serious sexual wrongdoing. Jesus answered by going back to creation:
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.Matthew 19:6 (NIV)
When they objected that Moses had permitted divorce, Jesus gave a reply that governs how I read the whole subject:
Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.Matthew 19:8 (NIV)
Two things stand out. First, divorce was never God's ideal. The law of Moses regulated it to protect the vulnerable, especially women, in a hard-hearted world (Deuteronomy 24:1), but it did not endorse it. Second, Jesus then names one exception:
anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.Matthew 19:9 (NIV)
The word translated "sexual immorality" is porneia, and I have written about its range of meaning in Defining Porneia In The Bible. In this context it points to serious sexual unfaithfulness that breaks the marriage covenant. Jesus' words here are echoed in Matthew 5:31-32 and Mark 10:10-12. Notice that He is not commanding divorce for adultery. He is saying that it is permitted. Many couples have chosen reconciliation after unfaithfulness, and that is a beautiful thing. The related question of adultery is covered in Is Adultery A Sin?
Does The Bible Say It Is Okay To Divorce?
It says divorce is a result of the hardness of human hearts and that God is grieved by it. The prophet Malachi speaks to this. In many English translations the verse reads, "God hates divorce." The NIV renders the Hebrew differently, speaking of the man who hates and divorces his wife and so does violence to the one he should protect (Malachi 2:16). Translators disagree about the Hebrew, but on either reading the passage condemns treacherous, faithless divorce, and it shows how seriously God takes the vows of marriage. I think it is right to say that God hates what divorce does, and that He hates the treachery that so often lies behind it. He does not hate the person who is divorced.
What Did Paul Teach In 1 Corinthians 7?
Paul writes to a church where marriage was under pressure from many directions. He begins with Jesus' own teaching:
But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.1 Corinthians 7:11 (NIV)
The verse is part of a short command that spouses should not separate, and if they do, the goal is reconciliation. The Christian ideal is repair, not replacement. Then Paul addresses a situation Jesus had not directly spoken to: a believer married to an unbeliever who wants to leave.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.1 Corinthians 7:15 (NIV)
This is the so-called Pauline privilege. When an unbelieving spouse deserts the marriage, the believer is not bound to chase them or to remain legally tied. Many evangelicals hold that this passage gives a second ground for divorce and, with it, freedom from the bond. Paul also notes that God calls us to live in peace, which suggests that staying in a marriage must not mean staying in chaos.
What Are The Biblical Grounds For Divorce?
The three grounds people most often ask about are summarized below.
| Ground | Passage | How Christians View It |
|---|---|---|
| Sexual immorality (adultery) | Matthew 19:9, Matthew 5:32 | Widely agreed that Jesus permits divorce, though reconciliation is encouraged |
| Desertion by an unbeliever | 1 Corinthians 7:15 | Widely accepted among evangelicals |
| Abuse | Applied from the above and from Malachi 2:16 | Debated; many pastors hold that abuse is itself a breaking of the covenant |
The third row deserves an honest note. The Bible does not name abuse in these passages, and sincere pastors differ on how to apply them. What I can say with confidence is that God never calls anyone to remain in a place where they or their children are in danger. If you are being abused, please get to safety first, speak to someone you trust, and then work out the legal and spiritual questions with the help of your church leaders. Marriage vows were never meant to be a cover for violence. Abusive treatment of a spouse is a profound breach of what Scripture calls love, as in Ephesians 5:25.
Does God Want Us To Stay In An Unhappy Marriage?
Unhappiness alone is not a biblical ground for divorce, and a marriage that feels cold or dull is not the same thing as a covenant that has been destroyed. God calls couples to work, to forgive, and to seek help from pastors and counselors. At the same time, He does not ask anyone to endure danger. The line between a difficult marriage and a dangerous one is real, and I would never ask someone to ignore it.
A related matter is what people call "gray divorce," meaning the divorce of couples in later life, usually after fifty. The same Scriptures apply, and so does the same grace. Many such couples find that decades of unspoken hurt have accumulated. Counselling can help, and so can being honest with each other.
Does God Forgive Divorce And Remarriage?
Yes. The gospel is for people who have failed, including people who have failed in marriage. If divorce was caused by your own sin, confess it, and know what the Bible promises:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.1 John 1:9 (NIV)
If you were the one wronged, you do not need forgiveness for what was done to you, though you may need to work through bitterness. Paul's command applies to everyone:
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
Does God Recognize A Second Marriage?
Here Christians differ, and I will tell you how I read it. Matthew 19:9 says that the person who divorces for reasons other than sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery, and this implies that where the exception applies, remarriage is not condemned. My view, following the words of Matthew 19:9, is that the wronged spouse is free to remarry, since the bond was broken by the faithless partner. Many pastors apply the same reasoning to desertion under 1 Corinthians 7:15. Some Christians believe that remarriage is never permitted while a former spouse is alive. Others are more permissive. I would say that God does not ask you to be single against your will simply because you have been through a divorce, although He does ask that you act in the fear of the Lord and take counsel from a mature pastor.
If you have already remarried and are troubled by whether you did the right thing, my counsel is to confess whatever sin was involved, trust the forgiveness Christ promises, and make your present marriage a faithful one. Past sin does not require you to break up a marriage you are now in. A repentant person who remarried should not live under a cloud, and a divorced believer who is remarried should not be told to feel less loved by God. Marrying someone who is divorced is also not an unforgivable matter. For forgiveness more generally, see What The Bible Says About Forgiveness Of Sin.
Paul also notes that some are called to singleness, with an undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). For some, remaining single after divorce is a real calling and a gift, but it is not a requirement for everyone.
Can I Go To Heaven If I Am Divorced?
Yes. Heaven is not earned by a clean record in marriage or in anything else. It is a gift.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faithEphesians 2:8 (NIV)
Divorce is not the unforgivable sin, and it does not cancel the salvation of a believer. The apostle writes that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Some churches have treated divorced people as second-class members. That is a failure of pastoral care, not a teaching of Scripture. Divorced believers should be welcome in the church, in its ministry, and at the Lord's Table.
Other questions about marriage and sexual ethics are covered in living together outside marriage and cheating, and you will find the full list at Sins A To Z.
Key Bible Verses About Divorce
- Genesis 2:24: God's design is a man and woman united as one flesh.
- Matthew 19:6: What God has joined together, let no one separate.
- Matthew 19:8: Divorce was allowed because of hard hearts, not from the beginning.
- Matthew 19:9: Jesus names sexual immorality as the exception.
- 1 Corinthians 7:15: A believer abandoned by an unbeliever is not bound.
- 1 John 1:9: Confession brings forgiveness and cleansing from all unrighteousness.
- Romans 8:1: There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the three grounds for divorce in the Bible?
Most commonly cited are sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9) and desertion by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). Some pastors add abuse as a third, applying the principle of covenant-breaking, though Scripture does not name it directly and Christians differ.
Does God want us to stay in an unhappy marriage?
Unhappiness alone is not a biblical ground for divorce, and God calls couples to forgive and seek help. But He does not ask anyone to stay where they or their children are in danger. Safety comes first.
Does God forgive divorce and remarriage?
Yes. If sin was involved, confession brings forgiveness (1 John 1:9). A divorced and remarried believer should not live under a cloud, and Romans 8:1 says there is no condemnation for those in Christ.
Can I go to heaven if I'm divorced?
Yes. Salvation is by grace through faith, not by a spotless marital record (Ephesians 2:8). Divorce is not the unforgivable sin, and a divorced believer remains fully loved and welcome in God's family.
Does God recognize a second marriage after divorce?
Where the divorce fell under Jesus' exception or Paul's teaching on desertion, I hold that remarriage is permitted. Christians differ on this, so seek counsel from a mature pastor and act in the fear of the Lord.
What does gray divorce mean?
Gray divorce is divorce among couples in later life, usually after age fifty. The same Scriptures and the same grace apply. Counselling and honest conversation can help couples who find that years of unspoken hurt have built up.
