Short answer: No. Falling in love is not a sin in the Bible. Attraction, affection and even a strong crush are part of how God made us, and he honors marriage and romantic love. What can become sinful is what we do with the feeling: lust, deceit, pursuing someone who is not free, or acting against God's design. The Bible also calls us to a deeper kind of love than a feeling that simply happens to us.
In This Article
Falling in love is the phrase we use when warm, hard-to-ignore feelings take hold of us for another person. The Bible does not use that phrase. But Scripture has a great deal to say about love, and when I read it carefully, I find that it neither fears our feelings nor lets them rule us.
People in the pews kept asking me the same kind of question: is this feeling a sin, and what do I do with it? Below I take it in order, including the awkward questions about cousins and crushes that people really do search for.
Is It A Sin To Have Feelings For Someone?
No. God created us for relationship. From the garden onward the Bible treats the desire for companionship as good, and Genesis tells us it was not good for the man to be alone. Not everyone is called to marriage, but the longing to love and be loved is part of being human.
The Bible even gives us a plain picture of a man in love. Jacob was willing to work years for Rachel, and the text notes the cost did not feel heavy.
So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.
Genesis 29:20 (NIV)
Scripture does not rebuke Jacob for his feelings. The Song of Songs, an entire book of love poetry, celebrates the longing between a man and a woman. And yet it also gives a caution about timing:
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Song of Songs 2:7 (NIV)
Feelings are not the enemy. But they are not a command, either. Having them is not sin. Acting on them in ways God has not allowed is where the trouble starts.
Is It A Sin To Have A Crush Or To Like Someone?
A crush is not a sin, and neither is liking a girl or a boy. If you are young, this is a normal stage, and you do not need to carry guilt about noticing someone. What I would ask of you is the same thing I ask of adults: keep your honesty, your purity and your respect for the other person.
Jesus draws the line at lust, not attraction.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:28 (NIV)
The difference is between noticing and nursing. Finding someone attractive happens. Replaying fantasies about them, treating them as an object, or letting the longing push you toward sexual sin is what Jesus warns against. I have written about where that line falls in Is Lust A Sin In The Bible? and about the physical side in kissing and making out.
A crush also asks for patience. Go slowly, keep it in the light, and talk about it with someone you trust. If the person is married, or you are, the feeling needs to be handled very differently and resisted early. Proverbs gives the simplest guidance for any heart:
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Guarding your heart does not mean refusing to feel. It means deciding where your attention goes and what you will not do.
What Kind Of Love Does The Bible Mean?
English uses one word, "love," for the way we feel about pizza, parents and a spouse. Greek has several. The New Testament was written in Greek, and the words people often cite are agape (self-giving love), phileo (friendship or brotherly affection), storge (family affection) and eros (romantic and passionate love). I should say that the New Testament mostly uses agape and phileo, and the other two are part of how scholars describe the range of love rather than words you will find on every page.
Falling in love is usually a blend. There is attraction and an emotional high, and there is, at its best, a real sense of being known and wanting to walk through life with someone. The trouble is that the rush can be mistaken for the whole thing. Intense emotion is not proof that a person is right for you, or that the relationship is wise. Many marriages have been started in haste on strong feelings and ended when the feelings changed.
That is why I read Paul's description as a portrait of what love does, rather than only what it feels like:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV)
Patience and kindness are not accidents. We grow into them by choosing them. This is what I meant in the original version of this article when I said love is a decision as well as a feeling: the feeling may arrive without our asking, but faithful love is something we build over time. Feelings are the doorway, and commitment is the house.
Underneath all human love sits God's. The Bible says love began with him, not with us.
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:10 (NIV)
If your own love is modelled on his, it will look like faithfulness and sacrifice more than like fireworks.
Is It A Sin To Marry Or Date A Cousin?
This question comes up more than you might expect. Here is what the text says and does not say. The close relatives forbidden in Leviticus 18 include parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, and others, and the chapter begins with a general principle:
No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the Lord.
Leviticus 18:6 (NIV)
First cousins are not named in that list. In Genesis, Jacob married Leah and Rachel, who were the daughters of his mother's brother, which made them his first cousins. So the Bible does not call cousin marriage a sin. The same applies even more to a second cousin, who is a more distant relation.
That said, being allowed by Scripture is not the whole question. Civil law varies widely, so check the rules where you live. Medical professionals can speak to the health considerations for any children, and your family may have strong feelings that deserve to be heard. If incest, meaning relations with a close relative, is what you are asking about, that is a different matter, covered in Is Incest A Sin In The Bible? Talk with your pastor or a trusted older believer before you commit to anything.
How Do I Handle Feelings That Are Not Safe To Follow?
Sometimes we fall for someone we should not: a married person, a non-believer, someone far younger, a friend's partner. The feelings themselves are not the sin, but following them can be. Paul gave the church a clear aim for the body:
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
1 Thessalonians 4:3 (NIV)
Practical steps help. Put distance between you and the person where you can. Tell a mature friend rather than carrying it alone. Pray honestly, because God already knows what you feel. Do not assume the intensity means this is meant to be. And if you are single and the person is a believer who is free, then let the feeling grow slowly and openly, the way a godly courtship should. For wider questions, see the A to Z of sin questions.
Key Bible Verses About Falling In Love
- Genesis 29:20 (NIV): Jacob's love made years of work feel short.
- Song of Songs 2:7 (NIV): love is a gift to be awakened in its own time.
- Proverbs 4:23 (NIV): guard your heart, because your life flows from it.
- Matthew 5:28 (NIV): lust, not attraction, is what Jesus names as sin.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV): love is patient and kind, and shown in action.
- 1 John 4:10 (NIV): God's love came first and sets the pattern.
- Leviticus 18:6 (NIV): the general rule against relations with close relatives.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it a sin to have feelings for someone?
No. Attraction and affection are part of how God made us, and having them is not sin. The question is what you do next: whether you honor the person, stay pure, and give the feeling a godly direction, or feed it into lust, deceit or foolish choices.
Is it a sin to have a crush on someone?
A crush is not a sin. It becomes a problem when it turns into obsession, daydreaming that slides into lust, or pursuing someone who is married or otherwise unavailable. Treat it as a feeling to be guided, not a command to be obeyed.
Is it a sin to marry your cousin?
The Bible does not forbid marriage between first cousins. The list of close relatives in Leviticus 18 does not name them, and Jacob married two of his cousins in Genesis. Laws differ between countries and states, and many families seek medical advice. A pastor and wise counsel are worth asking.
Is dating your second cousin a sin?
No. A second cousin is a more distant relative than a first cousin, and Scripture places no prohibition on it. Check the law where you live and talk with your family, and then apply the same standards you would to any dating relationship. See Is Dating A Sin?
Is it a sin to like a girl?
No. Liking someone is how love and marriage usually begin. What the Bible asks of us is honesty, respect and self-control, and to treat the other person as a sister or brother in Christ before anything else.
Is falling in love the same as true love?
Not always. The rush of falling in love is real, but the Bible defines love by what it does: patient, kind, faithful and willing to sacrifice. Feelings start the story, and commitment is what carries it.
